Canadians Love Vodka And Hamburgers
by cupcakeloversunite001
Summary: Canada is sick and tired of the sexual tension of the Cold War and decided that his brother needs to get laid. So he devises a plan to get Russia and America to have sex. Will the sex turn into something more? RusAme and kinky sex. Yaoi, boyxboy!
1. Sexual Tension

**A/N:**I know, starting another story when Mirrors Are A Curse is not finished. I am trying to challenge myself. This chapter is just a prologue and I might or might not continue this. I can never get enough of this pairing, especially the Cold War. So I hope you like this.

**Summary:** Canada is sick and tired of the sexual tension of the Cold War and decided that his rather needs to get laid. So he devises a plan to get Russia and America to have sex. Will the sex turn into something more? RusAme and kinky sex. Yaoi, boyxboy!

**Warnings:** I guess nothing much really. Mainly talking about sex. It will have really kinky sex later, but for now it is really tame.

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It was the 1960s in the height of the Cold War. Shortly after The Cuban Missile Crisis. All countries were more than a little stressed. Especially Russia and America. Many thought of the threat of a nuclear war. Which none of the countries found desirable, due to the ending of World War Two not long before.

The Cold War was not actually a war. If you want to go by the history books, it was a war of tension between two powerful countries, Russia and America. There was no real war fought directly between those two superpowers. The real war was between their lust and hate for each other.

America was too much in denial to say that he lusted for that Russian, and Russia said that he hated that 'Capitalist Pig'. In meetings, all they would do was glare each other down, daring another to make the first move.

Luckily for those two countries, Canada and France knew better, they saw between the two countries anger. To put it frankly, both countries needed to get laid. So, in order to help his brother out, he would plan for his brother to be in a relationship with Russia.

He knew America would be reluctant at first, but he would invite his brother over, and they would have food and talk. Nothing too suspicious. If America knew what Canada was planning then the attempt would be ruined. Canada had to go about this carefully, because damnit he was still half French!

Canada wasn't surprised when America didn't decline his invitation. America was usually at his brother's house, keeping him company. Also, mostly because a visit to his brother's house meant he could slack off work and Canada usually didn't mind. He thought it was good for his brother. Also, it would help set the plan in action.

America was sitting at Canada's kitchen table, more tense than ever, holding his hot chocolate mug. "Mattie, I just don't know what to do. He already had the upper hand once."

"Al, you just need to release that tension so you can think clearly."

"But how?"

Canada nonchalantly took a sip of hot chocolate "Have angry hate-sex with Russia."

America however, nearly choked on his drink. "W-what!?"

Canada laughed and grabbed a towel for America. "Like I said, have sex with him. Do I really need to explain it to you?"

America took the towel and cleaned the mess, staying uncharacteristically quiet.

Canada looked at his brother curiously. Did it really shock him that badly? "Alfie? Look, I know it must be a little bit awkward but-"

America interrupted his brother "How will I even get him to do it. Y'know, have sex with me. He hates me remember?"

"Oh trust me Al, he'll do it." Canada said, putting a hand on his brother's shoulder.

"But when should I do it?"

Canada thought for a moment. "Next world meeting. Al, I'm not going to tell you how to seduce someone."

America wined. "But Mattie, why does it have to be hhiiiimmm?"

'Because you are perfect for him.' Matthew thought. "Al, this way, maybe you can find his weakness."

"Like kryptonite!" Alfred said excitedly.

Canada chuckled, "Yeah Al, like kryptonite."

"Uh Mattie, can you make pancakes?"

Canada sighed and decided to humor America and make him happy. "Sure Al."

Making pancakes with Alfred seemed to be a task itself. Not only was Alfred impatient, he also stood over Matthew's shoulder the whole time. After three batches failed because America decided to "help", they finally made a delicious stack And ate in mostly silence.

"Thanks bro! Your pancakes are the best!" Alfred said, licking his plate if the leftover maple syrup.

Canada grabbed their plates sighing at the mess that Alfred made opinion his kitchen. "Hey Al, what do you really think of Russia? Not only as a country, but as a person?"

"Well uh, as a country I really don't like him. Like, I actually hate him. Communism is totally the worst system. Like ever. But umm, I don't really know how he is now, but I guess he is okay as a person, especially for a commie bastard. I remember before all of this World War shit, he helped me in my Civil War and he even had colonies in my place. Also he sold me some land. I would totally like to think once his commie ideas stop, we could totally be friends. "

Canada smiled,exactly what he wanted to hear. "Okay Al, I was just wondering."

Both countries sighed when Matthew's phone rang. Both countries already knew that it was Alfred's boss. Alfred got up and picked up the phone. Having an hour long phone conversation. Matthew didn't really pay attention, because it was none of his business, but he was annoyed that Alfred couldn't even spend the day at his house without being called.

"Sorry Mattie, but boss says I have to get my ass back to D.C." Alfred sighed while hanging up the phone.

"They can't let you take a day off to see your brother?"

Alfred sighed again. "Yeah sadly not bro. But we'll totally hang out later m'kay."

"Do you need a ride to the airport?"

"No, apparently a cab is already outside." Alfred pouted.

"Oh, well remember what I said okay? Take care Al."

"Bye bro."

Canada hugged his brother farewell and gave him the leftover pancakes. Telling him to be back soon.

Canada smirked while leaning against the doorway, watching his brother leave. "Phase one of my plan is finished."

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**A/N:** So um, tell me what you think if this. I do not know how many chapters this will be, but it won't be very long. Maybe five to nine chapters? Thank you for reading this!


	2. Coffee

**A/N**: So I have been missing for a long time... Longer than I anticipated and stuff. I have been way too busy for school. Though this fanfiction became more popular than I anticipated... Even though it only has five reviews. So I just wanted to let you all know that I am going to finish both of my chapter fanfics no matter what! Now let's get to it!

**WARNINGS:** This chapter is the last chapter without sex. This chapter has cursing, drugs, and I think that's it.

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Alfred walked into the meeting room rather nervous, for no reason at all. He has felt a sense of foreboding since the moment he woke up this morning. He even went to Starbucks. He breathed a sigh of relief as he saw Matthew. "Hey Matt!" He called and waved with the hand on which he didn't have a drink in.

Matthew looked over to find his brother waving at him nervously. He walked up to Alfred just as the other nations were walking into the large meeting room. "Hey Al, what's up?" "Hey Mattie, have you like had a strange sense that's something bad is totally gonna happen?" Matthew looked at his brother strangely. "Uh... No Al... Are you okay?"

Alfred shook his head and was about to explain, but noticed several more nations arriving to their chairs. "Do you wanna talk about this in the bathroom?" he asked whispering while setting his coffee down on the table and walked to the bathroom with his brother.

Ivan smirked when he saw Alfred leave his coffee wide open. "Stupid Amerika" he said quietly. More to himself. He took off the coffee's lid and poured a strange powdered substance into Alfred's coffee. 'This should do it' he thought to himself. He shut the lid and he quietly sat in his chair, next to the Baltic states, who were trembling beside him.

Alfred and Matthew came back shortly after their talk in the bathroom. They sat in their seats next to each other and waited for the meeting to start, Alfred feeling much better, though he couldn't help but shudder slightly when he noticed Russia staring at him menacingly. He managed through his uncomfort to glare back at Russia. 'Damn Cold War.' He thought to himself. He relaxed slightly when he found England walking up to the front of the room for his presentation.

England saw Alfred uneasy and he cleared his throat. "Alright, so I think we may start the meeting. Now with the recent Second World War and all of the land disputes are taking care of. However, most nations are concerned with recent... Tensions with Russia and America. Most nations are afraid of a Third World War,"

"Keep me out of it." Switzerland interjected.

England rolled his eyes. "Anyways, we want to make sure we won't get in another war with you two."

Russia smirked and leaned back into his chair, "Amerika wouldn't last that long in a war with me, so it would hardly be declared as a war. But da, as long as he doesn't start anything, I will refrain from starting a war."

Alfred rolled his eyes. "Yeah whatever commie, I would totaly win 'cause I'm the hero.. But yeah, I promise to not start anything."

Arthur nodded, "Alright, now that we have your promises. Meeting is adjourned, everyone can go home now."

Alfred stood up from and chair slamming his hands on the table. "Wait wait wait wait. Ya mean that you dragged us all of the way out here to your place JUST so we can make a promise!"

Arthur sighed, he knew that Alfred would act like this. "Yes, we thought this was the best way to make you promise. In front of everyone." A

lfred didn't comment but sat back down and drank his coffee, pouting. Meanwhile Ivan was smirking, hoping the nations would leave immediately. To his luck, as soon as they were dismissed several nations left, so that there were only three nations left in the room. Ivan, Alfred, and Matthew. Of course, as always, no one saw Matthew.

Ivan casually walked towards Alfred, and smiled as he noticed Alfred looking pale. "So Amerika, are you feeling okay?" He smiled deviously.

Alfred felt very faint and held onto the table for support. He glared as if he was burning a hole through Ivan. "You did this." He accused harshly.

Ivan chuckled. "Da, I did Fredka, don't worry you'll be fine, I promise." Alfred gave a final glare before he came limp and fell into Ivan's arms. Ivan smirked and picked Alfred up bridal style. However this didn't go unnoticed by Matthew.

"What are you doing to my brother?" Matthew asked, walking up to Ivan and his brother. Ivan swallowed, damn, he didn't know Matthew was there. "I am merely releasing some tensions between us, nothing more. I promise no permanent harm will come to him."

Matthew looked at his brother, then back to Ivan. He should probably do something, this was technically kidnap. However, by the sound of it the two Superpowers would just fuck already. Then phase two of his special plan would be finished. "Fine, just promise you'll have him back soon."

Ivan smiled childishly. "Thank you Mattvey, I will be returning him in three days." Ivan walked passed Matthew with a limp Alfred in his arms. Oh yes, these would be a very... fun-filled three days.

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**A/N**: I promise the next chapter will have sex, and it will be nice and kinky.. Sorry this chapter is kind of short.

Oshihime: Thank you! I hope this catches your attention!

Sunny-This-Side-Up: Here is your chapter!

Dualsky: Love your use of Spanish XD! It is kinda weird!

Guest: I will always ship these two in hell too! Anyways, I swear that almost every other chapter will have sex from here in some way!

GabrielLovesSweets: Here you go!


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